Comedy Gold as Arsenal finish second

Final day league table 2016 Arsenal

It hasn’t been a great Arsenal season, let’s not lose sight of that, but I can’t think of a final day that’s provided the sheer comedy value delivered by Spurs today. You had one job Spurs, avoid losing to relegated Newcastle United!

A point for Arsenal against Villa would guarantee third place. Three points would set up the possibility of so many jokes to keep us going for days. But it needed Newcastle to deliver the punchline. Couldn’t happen obviously.

Hahahahahahahahahaha, uncontrolled implosion carried out, hahahahahahahaha, hahahaha, not a viable device after all hahahahahahaha, hahahahahahahahahaha, turned out to be a hoax all along, hahahahahahahahahaha.

Great start with a goal in five minutes – Olivier Giroud – 1:0 Arsenal. Another ten minutes and Newcastle have actually scored. Couldn’t happen could it? But then we didn’t score again for ever and ever. Newcastle score again but then concede and go down to ten men. And we still haven’t scored again. Against Villa. Here we go again. Huff, puff, dominate possession, then fail to score enough goals.

We’re heading for second place, which we never imagined really happening, but we don’t believe. We know how easily this is going to go wrong. We’re failing to kill off the club in bottom place. Spurs, who’ve scored plenty away from home this season, need just one more to finish ahead of us.  One of these was bound to happen and piss us all off. It was just a matter of time.

But then Newcastle scored again from the penalty spot. A dive as it turned out but we didn’t know and wouldn’t have cared anyway. We just thought Spurs were going all Spursy. Then Giroud scored again.  Two nil. Then he did it again. Three nil. Then Spurs really did get all Spursy and conceded twice. Happy St Totteringham’s Day.

Our fourth goal came from Arteta, on as a sub in his last appearance for the club. He won’t get the credit, as his shot hit the bar and went in off the keeper, but it was fantastic to see him involved at the very end of his time at Arsenal. I wish we’d bought him to Arsenal earlier. He has many critics but I don’t know why. We could have done with his experience and calm in midfield a lot sooner. So good luck to Mikel and thanks, even if you do end up coaching City.

Last day too for another great player held back by injury, but Tomas Rosicky didn’t make it onto the pitch. Had he suffered fewer injuries I think he would have been a certain starter for his whole career at Arsenal. Some guys on the fringe you think are nicking a living. But not Tomas Rosicky. He was a fantastic player who had his living nicked off him by repeated injury.

After the game the rest of the players lined up in number seven shirts in tribute. Well deserved. I’m sure he’ll find somewhere to stick that silver cannon as well!

So, second place, a Giroud hat trick and St Totteringham’s Day. Some days it turns out that you don’t actually know enough Spurs fans. Amazing. All after you had a nagging doubt that we would conspire to lose, come fourth and be condemned to a supermarket sweep on the transfer market after scraping through the qualifying round of the Champions League.

This doesn’t make everything ok. We need someone who will score goals and good players to add more depth and more steely determination. But it made the last day a million miles more bearable and I’m still smiling over Spurs. Mind the gap. Still.

Leicester win, Spurs lose it

Congratulations Leicester City

An amazing result that rival fans would need a heart of stone to be unmoved by. Who knows what will happen next. Will they soar to European heights like Nottingham Forrest or buckle under the burden? Right now no one in Leicester will care, they’re 5000-1 league champions. Few teams really worked them out and no one matched their consistency. No one saw them coming.

The Chelsea – Spurs game last night was prime time entertainment for reasons good and bad. A great goal from Eden Hazard and amazing resilience from Chelsea to come back from 2:0 down in a game where the result has little impact on their season.

Too many yellows, too few reds

There was a pretty vicious undercurrent to the game though, that referee Mark Clattenburg didn’t pick up on early enough. He was obviously keen to let the football be the story and early fouls were dealt with by warnings rather than cards. But it didn’t work and he ended up giving nine yellow cards to Spurs players and could easily have used two reds.

Danny Rose could have picked up two yellows but escaped with a warning for an early scything. When a scuffle broke out between Rose and Willian later, Mousa Dembele clearly stuck his finger in Diego Costa’s eye. Yes, Diego Costa – victim. Who’d a thought it. The eye gouge wasn’t spotted last night but he will surely get a ban for the remaining two games. Near the end Eric Dier should have picked up a second yellow. He was prabably saved by Clattenburg, rightly, playing advantage until another Spurs foul and not going back to the first incident.

Cesc Fabregas claimed that Erik Lamela stamped on his hand but it was hard to tell from the TV clips I saw. If there is film that confirms it then he will surely get a ban too. After the final whistle the scrapping continued down the tunnel. Entertaining if not very edifying.

But the night and the story belongs to Leicester City. This morning the Radio 4 News is live from Leicester and on Radio 2 Chris Evans is trying to talk football. Congratulations Leicester City, everyone sees you now.